Truth Doesn't Need Me to Believe It

I've been thinking a lot lately about belief.

Not just religious belief. All belief.

The things we believe about ourselves. The things we believe because our parents told us. Things we learned in school. Things we hear in politics, religion, recovery, ceremony, books, or from people we respect.

And I keep coming back to something really simple.

Truth is true whether I believe it or not.

Take a tree.

We call it a tree, but it was whatever it is long before human beings came along and gave it a name.

Or gravity.

I can decide I don't believe in gravity. It doesn't matter. Jump off a building and gravity isn't going to stop halfway down and ask what my beliefs are.

Reality doesn't need my permission.

But belief is still incredibly powerful.

Tell a child they're stupid often enough and they might believe you.

Now they go through life thinking they're stupid.

It might not be true at all. They could be brilliant.

But if they believe they're stupid, that belief can affect the decisions they make, what they attempt, how they interpret failure, and even how they interpret success.

Same thing with telling someone they're ugly.

Or worthless.

Or incapable of changing.

That's what I mean when I say words have power.

The belief doesn't necessarily change reality.

It changes how we experience reality.

And I think we do this with ourselves all the time.

I am this.

I am that.

I can't do this.

People like me don't do that.

This is who I am.

Maybe.

But how do you know?

That's become one of my favorite questions.

How do you know?

I ask it about religion.

I ask it about recovery.

I ask it about politics.

I ask it about things elders and teachers tell me.

I ask it about books.

I ask it about experts.

And hopefully I remember to ask it about my own beliefs too.

Because questioning everyone else while never questioning myself would be pretty ridiculous.

I've noticed that what somebody believes sometimes interests me less than what happens when you question them about it.

Some people become curious.

They'll say, "That's a good question."

Or even better, "I don't know."

Others immediately become defensive.

They tell you that's what the book says.

That's what the program says.

That's what they've always been taught.

That's what everyone knows.

Okay.

But how do you know it's true?

That's not disrespect.

If you know something I don't know, teach me.

I want to know.

But don't confuse authority with truth.

Don't confuse experience with universal knowledge.

And don't confuse a book with reality itself.

I see this sometimes in 12 step recovery.

There are things in 12 step programs that I think are incredibly useful.

Looking honestly at yourself is useful.

Making amends can be useful.

Helping other people is useful.

Recognizing that you can't control everything is useful.

But that doesn't mean everything written generations ago should stop being questioned.

Would you want a cardiologist today whose medical knowledge stopped in 1939?

Of course not.

That doesn't mean doctors in 1939 knew nothing.

It means we kept learning.

Why wouldn't we do that everywhere?

Our laws change.

Our understanding of medicine changes.

Science changes when better evidence comes along.

Even constitutions can be amended.

Why would any human system be above correction?

That's a question I've started asking about almost everything.

How does this correct itself?

What happens when new information comes along?

Can somebody say, "We were wrong"?

Can I say, "I was wrong"?

Because if the answer is no, I think we have a problem.

This is also why I'm comfortable with mystery.

I believe in a Creator.

But I don't pretend that means I know what the Creator is doing.

A pastor once said something to me that has stuck with me.

"My theology is not my faith."

I love that.

My ideas about God aren't God.

My explanation of reality isn't reality.

The map isn't the territory.

I can believe something and still leave room for the possibility that my explanation of it is wrong.

Actually, I think that's necessary.

The same goes for recovery.

The same goes for politics.

The same goes for spirituality.

The same goes for me.

I don't want another human being deciding what I have to believe, how I have to recover, what I have to call myself, or what my experience is supposed to mean.

They can challenge me.

Please do.

Tell me when you think I'm wrong.

Show me something I haven't considered.

But don't tell me questioning you proves there's something wrong with me.

That's not a conversation anymore.

I think this is also why I like the word decide.

Deciding doesn't mean I control everything.

I don't.

Sometimes I need help.

Sometimes another person knows something I don't know.

Sometimes I need a doctor.

Sometimes I need a teacher.

Sometimes I need a friend.

If I'm drowning and somebody throws me a rope, I still have to grab it.

They helped me.

I participated.

Both things can be true.

Maybe that's what agency really looks like.

Not controlling everything.

Participating in my own life.

And maybe that's where I've landed with a lot of this.

I don't need to know everything.

Actually, I'm increasingly suspicious of people who seem to need to know everything.

I'm much more comfortable saying:

I don't know.

Let's look.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe I'm wrong.

Because I do believe there is truth.

I don't believe truth is whatever I want it to be.

I don't believe I create truth.

And I definitely don't believe I own it.

I'm just another human being trying to understand whatever this whole strange thing is.

So I'll keep questioning.

Including myself.

Especially myself.

Truth doesn't need me to believe it.

But if I care about truth, I should probably never stop looking for it.