The Weaponization of “Don’t Be Rude”

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I
n Canada, a familiar pattern appears whenever an Indigenous person or any marginalized person asserts their rights. The moment law, clarity, or sovereignty enters the conversation, institutions reach for a scripted warning: “Please don’t be rude.”

This phrase is presented as professional and neutral. It is neither. For Indigenous peoples, it functions as a control mechanism rooted in power imbalance. TRC, UNDRIP, Section 35, and every major rights framework already affirm this imbalance as real and ongoing.

Tone policing is not harmless. It is structural.

Policy is not law and institutions rely on that confusion

When rights are asserted, institutions often respond with policy instead of law. This is intentional.
You cite UNDRIP and they cite internal procedure.
You cite the Charter and they cite communication rules.
You cite Treaty obligations and they cite workplace guidelines.

This is the colonial bait and switch. Rights are replaced with policy and presented as if they carry equal authority. They do not.

Policy can be rewritten.
Rights cannot.

Institutions understand this. They rely on the public not understanding it.

TRC and UNDRIP identify the imbalance clearly

TRC and UNDRIP recognize that Indigenous peoples face a documented and ongoing imbalance of power. This matters because tone from Indigenous people is interpreted differently. Firm communication is labeled aggressive. Assertiveness is read as hostility. Directness is framed as inappropriate. Refusal of erasure is treated as problematic. Trauma responses are punished rather than accommodated.

The demand for politeness is placed on the oppressed. It is not placed on the institution that holds power.

DARVO is the next stage

When dignity is asserted, institutions often respond with DARVO.
Deny. Attack. Reverse Victim and Offender.

They deny wrongdoing.
They attack your tone.
They claim you have harmed them.
They place themselves in the position of victim.

This tactic works when the target feels shame or confusion. Once it is named, the power weakens.

Rights are not upheld through politeness

Rights are upheld through clarity, knowledge, and courage. No major rights framework in this country was won through politeness. UNDRIP was not won through politeness. The Charter was not created through politeness. Treaty rights were not protected through politeness.

Rights are not flowers.
Rights are fire.

Strong leadership knows the difference

Strong leadership recognizes that courtesy is optional while rights are not. Strong leadership does not hide behind templates. Strong leadership does not use tone policing to avoid accountability. Strong leadership listens. Strong leadership learns. Strong leadership levels the field.

Tone policing is a sign of weak leadership.

The truth remains simple

Accountability is not rudeness.
Self advocacy is not aggression.
Demanding lawful accommodation is not optional. It is protected.

I stand on that understanding.
I lead with that understanding.
I build with that commitment.

I am still standing.

Shawn Raven
Never give up.

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